Pete Nolan in Rawhide.

Tim Gutterson in Justified.

Cam Delray in Jack Irish.

Dembe in The Blacklist.

These are all sidekicks that at times I've found more engaging than the protagonists they support. The number 2 man who, for some reason, draws my attention away from the hero. The steady, dependable friend who always comes through in a pinch, with unwavering loyalty, a witty quip or two, and exactly equipped for whatever the necessity of the moment demands in his support of the hero on his way to save the day.  I never understood why that fascination or attraction was there until I did some reading up on my personality type.

I am, according to 16personalities.com, an ISFJ -- a personality type they've labelled the Defender. As I was scrolling through the personality results, on the bottom of the page they have listed other people and characters from films and books who have your same personality type. Kate Middleton, Beyonce, Vin Diesel, Selena Gomez….Samwise Gamgee, Dr. Watson….waaiiit. 

In undergrad, I was a research assistant to a couple professors in the Political Science Department, assisting one with the research and writing of a paper and, for the other, running his call center from which we conducted telephone surveys concerning social and political questions he and others were researching. One day, one of the professors was leaving and he asked me to send him some files so he would have them when he got to his destination. I told him I had already done so. He thanked me, walked away, then turned around and came back: "Regina, do you know who Radar is? On M.A.S.H.? The guy who anticipates what everyone will need and handles it before they even ask? You're our Radar." 

After reading that online profile, it finally clicked that maybe I admire sidekicks because, in some respects, that's the role I relate to best. I have always felt more complete, in my personal life as well as at work, when I can provide valuable assistance to others. I consider myself a worker bee as opposed to a queen, and if I'm able to make my boss look good by being prepared and making sure that all the boxes are checked, the T's crossed and the I's dotted, then I've fulfilled my purpose. It gives me joy to make the lives of those I love easier. Nothing makes me happier than to anticipate the needs of those people I care about and help meet them even before they ask. There's a certain level of observation skills necessary to be able to do this, and it's quite satisfying when you're successful.

The danger in this is carrying your "helpfulness" too far and stepping into territory where you're not wanted.  Sometimes with those same powers of observation, you're able to tell -- or at least you feel like you're able to tell -- what you perceive as good for a person while they opt to go in another direction. In order not to be a self-righteous, overbearing nag, the best thing is to let that person figure out their mistake, if that's indeed what it is, for themselves. It's not my job to change people's minds about their own wants or make sure other adults are making wise choices by offering my unsolicited opinions. It's hard to see someone you love mess up and go down a road you know in your heart,  from watching all the factors at play from the outside, will only cause them pain in the end. After all, I've learned a few things in my time on earth, both from my own experiences and watching others, and sometimes the future is astonishingly easy to predict.  That said, if your real and honest desire is to help and not to control, you have to take a step back, provide your advice only when asked for, hope for the best, and be prepared to be supportive once the pieces land, if they do.  And too, you could always be wrong, despite how earnest your conviction. 

This has been a hard lesson for me to learn in the past. I am straightforward and bluntly honest, and sometimes I feel almost a sense of responsibility to inform others of the wrong decisions I feel they're making in their lives and how they, in my opinion, can fix them. This, I admit, is an incredibly unattractive quality when it's not requested. It's not one I would long tolerate from others  in my own life, and I don't blame others for not tolerating it in theirs. It's something I have worked on in myself in the past and will continue to work on whenever it pops up again in the future.

At the end of the day, In a world where everyone is trying to be the main character, I don't think there's anything wrong with playing a supporting  role. This doesn't mean you can't have dreams and goals of your own. Trust, I have plenty of those, and I'll be found dead before I'm found with any kind of "[Insert husband's profession]'s wife" t-shirts or bumper stickers. It's not about glomming on to stand in another's spotlight, combining your identity with a partner, or  riding someone else's coattails while failing to accomplish anything significant on your own. It's about being dependable, the kind of friend you'd like to have, being there to support when called upon, meeting another's needs even if you costs you something, while being careful not to overstep boundaries of individuality.  I believe those are the best sidekicks.  The sidekicks every hero needs.  The sidekicks who help make the world go 'round.

After all, where would Sherlock be without Watson? 

And if you're interested in finding out more about your own personality type, check out 16personalities.com.